Desperately Seeking Househusband Read online

  I grimaced, though I enjoyed how Rhett could bring lightness to a normally dark subject. “That’s the weirdest thing a man’s ever said to me.”

  “Stick with me, baby. I got more where that came from.”

  I had no doubt he did. The more time we spent together, the more I was seeing he was nothing like his half-brother.

  “Hmm. Let’s start with the biggest worm. One day last year I decided to cut out of work early to surprise him. See if he wanted to play hooky and spend the afternoon on the beach. It’s so cliché I hate to say it.” I threw back a gulp of wine and steeled myself for the rest of the story. “I walked in on him and his boss, the one he started the company with, in my bed. She ran out claiming she had no idea he was still involved with me. He, on the other hand, just got out of bed and walked to the shower, like it was no big deal. Said if I hadn’t been so boring, it could have been me in that bed with him.”

  I let the residual shame burn up my esophagus, letting it out in the form of a rueful laugh. “Like I should have apologized to him. What a fucking douchecanoe.” I shook my head, reliving that moment with the clarity of three hundred and sixty-five days of reflection. On the other side now, I could see what absolute nonsense he spewed at me. I could see that none of it was my fault, yet as Rhett had mentioned, his words were like worms, getting inside my head and taking up residence when I wasn’t being watchful.

  Rhett made a noise and I looked over to see his jaw clenched, his eyes burning into my skin with their intensity. “He’s the king of assholes. At our father’s funeral, he didn’t even acknowledge my mom and me. He walked right by me like I didn’t exist. Since I was only ten, I didn’t understand what was going on. I went up to him after they lowered my dad into the ground and he hissed four little words at me I’ll never forget.” He paused and my stomach dropped.

  “You’re dead to me.”

  Rhett huffed and shook his head. Rage filled my chest. I’d never wanted to hurt someone as badly as I wanted to hurt Hew. The shopping cart was too good for him. Only a slow and painful death would be a commensurate answer to all the pain he’d caused us both.

  “Can you believe that shit? He said that to a ten-year-old boy just minutes after they buried his father.”

  Tears hit the backs of my eyes and I tried to blink them away before they spilled down my face. I swore to myself I was done crying over Hewitt. But back then I hadn’t known the devastation he’d caused Rhett. Suddenly that betrayal mattered more than what Hew had done to me. I was an adult who could have left that relationship at any time. Rhett had only been an innocent boy.

  “I’m so sorry, Rhett,” I whispered the words, not trusting my voice to speak any louder.

  He reached over to pull the wine glass out of my hand and place it on the fire pit edge. Then he stood up and reached down for me, lifting me out of my chair, my blankets falling to the ground. The next thing I knew I straddled him as he sat back down. Rhett’s rough hands slid through my hair and tugged my head to the side. His lips were on mine before I could blink.

  Our mouths met, giving comfort to each other. The same person had hurt us both, and it was a glorious thing that we could sew the pieces of our hearts back together by simply sharing our stories.

  The cameraman was forgotten the minute Rhett’s tongue swept into my mouth and tasted the bitterness I still harbored. He lapped it away, dissolving it with each pluck of his lips, each time his thumb stroked across my cheek. He healed the crushed heart with arms that held me tight, fusing the pieces back together by sheer force of will.

  But I didn’t just want to be healed. I wanted to be the healer too. The one in Rhett’s life to put him back together too. So I gave as good as I got, my tongue battling with his, the intensity ramping up the longer we kissed. At long last, I pulled back, our breathing heavy under the cover of darkness.

  “Come to bed, Tesoro. I’ll hold you all night and show you how alive you are to me,” I whispered.

  Rhett’s eyes closed for a long moment before opening again along with a blinding smile. I couldn’t help myself. I had to indulge in one more thing before leaving the magic of this garden patio and the beauty of this day. Leaning in close, I kissed one dimple, finding the divot with the tip of my tongue.

  “Sorry, just had to,” I whispered on a giggle, my lips still brushing against his skin.

  The smile got bigger. “You can kiss my dimples anytime you want. I have dimples above my ass too. You wanna kiss those?”

  I laughed, finding Rhett’s ability to bring me joy with a simple joke one of the very best things about him. I waggled my eyebrows. “I think I wanna…”

  His smile remained while he narrowed his eyes at me. “Nah, uh, woman. You have to buy the cow before you can milk it.”

  I searched my brain and still came up empty. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  He kissed my forehead and then stood up, setting me on my feet. He turned off the fireplace and came close to whisper in my ear, “When you agree to date me for real, you can get your mouth on the rest of me.”

  I reared back, slightly disappointed I wouldn’t be getting to see the aforementioned dimples. “Oh, so we’re down to blackmailing now?”

  He shrugged before grabbing my hand and walking me back inside the house. “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.”

  A bark of laughter escaped, right before my eyes rolled to the ceiling. Silly man with his morals and shit…

  18

  Gabby

  We got our social etiquette right this time around, showing up at Kitty and Jasper’s house half an hour after we were supposed to be there. Natalia and Frank’s dusty Range Rover pulled into the long driveway right behind us, so I knew we’d timed it perfectly.

  “Remember to call him Lord,” I instructed Rhett.

  I was already rethinking my linen pants and black silk shirt. The pants had a split along the outside of each leg, making them appear almost like a long, flowy skirt when they were, in fact, pants. I didn’t normally dress with a lot of skin showing, not because I thought I shouldn’t but simply because I mostly went to work events where business fashion called for some sort of boring pantsuit. Even my shirt showed more skin that normal, dipping low in the front and preventing me from wearing a bra. I had some sort of industrial strength sticker on each of my boobs, acting in place of a bra. The whole ensemble wasn’t my normal gig, but I was trying to fit in with these fashionable society ladies. The woman at the boutique assured me I looked on point.

  “I’m not going to call him anything. That whole ‘Lord’ thing is too over the top for my taste.” Rhett put my car in park and pulled at the sleeves of his dress shirt. The material looked a little tight, but then again, super fitted shirts and pants were all the rage for men right now. I was getting the feeling that Rhett didn’t care for it.

  “Jesus H. Christ, I’ve lost all circulation to my crotch in these damn pants,” he mumbled, looking like a baseball player with all the adjusting going on. “I seriously considered taping the goods down just to fit in these pants a little better. But then I thought about ripping the tape off later and decided I didn’t want a Brazilian wax. Plus, who knows what permanent damage you do when you’ve strapped them in too tight like that? For all I know, I could be endangering future little Rhetts by wearing these pants. It’s like they’ve made this article of clothing with two pant legs for your legs, but no pant leg for your dick. Like where do you put it? There’s no room for it! Would you wear a sweater with no arms sewn into it? No, of course not, yet here I am in pants with no room for my fire hose!”

  I swallowed, working hard to keep the snort of laughter from coming out. “Are you finished?”

  Rhett blinked and blew out a deep breath. “Yes.”

  I grabbed the door handle and went to exit the car. At the last second, I looked over my shoulder and tossed out, “Don’t forget your fire hose.”

  And then I let the laughter flow. Dear God, I couldn’t listen to him talk a
bout his huge fire breathing dragon any longer. I had to stay focused on acting during this damn dinner date, not how soon I could get into Rhett’s pants and check out the goods. I wasn’t ready to agree to date him for real—though that exact thought had been swirling in my head a lot lately—which meant I wouldn’t be getting to wrap my lips around the fire hose anytime soon, according to Rhett.

  He met me at the hood of the car and laced our fingers together, tugging me toward the front door. He looked good tonight, whether he liked the pants or not. He was hot in board shorts and T-shirts, but he was even hotter in this fashionable ensemble. Maybe I was just saying that because I could see exactly how much hose was stuffed into the front of those tight pants.

  “Gabriella! Everett! So good to see you.” Lord Jasper called out from the front steps like he was the king welcoming us to his fair palace.

  Two air kisses later, we were inside, Kitty running around making sure all the hors d’oeuvres were set up according to her exacting standards. The house was immaculate. Little white string lights hung in the backyard from perfectly manicured queen palms, which I could see through the back wall that consisted of one massive floor-to-ceiling window. I wondered if that sucker was double-paned.

  The cameramen staked out a side of the great room where we all settled with drinks in hand from the bartender in the corner. Yes, Kitty hired a bartender for the evening. Suddenly my pants skirt seemed not enough for this group. Although I’d caught John eyeing my legs as I walked into the house, which made my skin crawl yet felt oddly complimentary at the same time.

  “Thank you all for coming over this evening. I’ve been holding back a little secret and I thought now would be the perfect time to spill it since we’re surrounded by dear friends.” Kitty smiled, her lip injections making the whole thing look a little grotesque. Funny, we’d just met a week ago. I didn’t see how that made Rhett and me dear friends, but then again, maybe she didn’t have a lot of friends in general and therefore had a skewed barometer of the levels of friendship.

  Kitty turned to a confused Jasper with her glass of champagne raised in the air. “I’d like to propose a toast. To my husband, Jasper, who’s given me the greatest gift of all: a baby.”

  The collective gasp of everyone in the room echoed loudly, the same time Jasper’s jaw dropped open. Leave it to Kitty to tell her husband of their pregnancy in front of virtual strangers for maximal effect.

  At first, I thought Jasper was joyfully surprised, but his face began to take on an unhealthy red color, which screamed terror, not joy. Natalia had stepped forward to hug Kitty, who was oblivious to her husband’s negative reaction.

  “A baby?” Jasper spat out the words like she’d admitted to murdering his mother.

  The caustic tone got Kitty’s attention, her own smile fading from her face. “Y-yes. I’m pregnant. We’re having a baby, Jas.” She stroked her hand down his arm in an attempt to get him up to speed with the conversation. He whipped his arm away and that’s when all hell broke loose.

  “I’m sterile, you whoring she-devil!” Jasper screamed in her face.

  Rhett wrapped his arm around my waist and tugged me back, putting me almost behind him. I peeked around his shoulder so I wouldn’t miss any of the action. It wasn’t every day a simple dinner party turned into an episode of Jerry Springer. It was like a train wreck you couldn’t look away from.

  “What? Wh-what are you saying?” Kitty’s face was a frozen mask of horror, the bands in her neck standing out to compensate for the face muscles that couldn’t move.

  Natalia rubbed Kitty’s back and I had to give her credit for being willing to be in the fray at that moment. I glanced over at Frank to see him chugging his beer with a look of boredom. Man, those goats of his must really be interesting for this little display not to do it for him. Lavender reached up to John’s ear and whispered something. She probably wanted to know if hugging Jasper was appropriate at the moment.

  The sound of breaking glass had me jumping against Rhett’s back, my gaze refocused on the unhappy couple and the glass of champagne Jasper had dropped to the hard tile floor.

  “You told me you didn’t want kids. So I figured we would make a good match since I couldn’t have kids.” Poor Jasper. He’d gone from mottled red to ghostly white.

  Kitty grabbed at her necklace, scratching her neck in the process, leaving a red streak. “Y-you can’t have kids? You never told me! Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Jasper gestured wildly. “Why would I? You didn’t want kids!”

  “I think that’s something a wife should know!”

  Jasper looked around the room, a wild look in his eye. “Tell me, boys. Would you walk around telling people you’re sterile?”

  Frank looked away and went back to chugging his beer. I didn’t blame him. John hemmed and hawed but didn’t really say much. Rhett tugged at his shirt sleeves again, clearly uncomfortable being put on the spot. Smartly, he didn’t answer.

  Jasper didn’t wait for an answer if one was actually forthcoming. He turned back to Kitty. “Who cares about that? What really matters is whose baby is that?” He pointed at Kitty’s stomach area, the volume of his voice rising with each passing moment.

  Kitty was breathing hard, a deer in headlights. She finally let go of the necklace and stood tall. “I had a moment of weakness and slept with Gabriel. I didn’t think you needed to know about it, but clearly I was wrong.”

  “Wait? Gabriel, as in my best friend, Gabriel?” John stepped forward, his face draining of color. There was a lot of that going on in this room.

  I started giggling hysterically, aware that this wasn’t the time for it, but unable to help myself. I did, however, smash my face against Rhett’s back to drown out the sound. What the hell was going on? Rhett’s head was darting back and forth as if at a tennis match, trying to keep up with this nonsense. I think I was in shock.

  Kitty nodded and John and Jasper gasped together. “I planned his wedding, as you know, and I, um, guess he had a moment of doubt or FOMO or something. I went in the room to give him the corsages for the groomsmen and next thing you know, we’re in the closet up against the wall. I’m sorry, Jasper.”

  “It’s Lord Jasper to you!” Jasper spat at her, looking ready to throw up.

  “Oh my God, you’re having my best friend’s baby?” John whispered. “They literally just got back from their honeymoon.”

  Kitty’s huge bottom lip started to wiggle. Then the tears came, streaking down her face. She covered her face and ran out of the room sobbing, Natalia right behind her. Jasper angrily swept his hand across the highboy table next to him and his plate of mini quiches went flying. Lavender swooped into action and wrapped Jasper in her arms from behind, whispering to him God knows what. He tried to free his arms, but couldn’t. He gave up trying and instead started walking away, dragging Lavender with him, each step a slow go of it.

  I came out from behind Rhett and rushed over to pick up the plate and ruined food, careful not to step on any of the broken glass. Rhett said he’d go get a trash can. Frank wandered over to the stunned bartender to get another beer like nothing was wrong. John stayed planted to the spot, his eyes unfocused as he worked through the issue in his mind.

  The atmosphere was tense.

  When Rhett came back with a trash can and broom, I helped sweep everything into the dust pan. Jasper still hadn’t made it out of the room yet. Hauling Lavender with him on his back was proving more difficult than he anticipated. All that professional hugging had made her strong over the years.

  “I’d help, but I can’t bend down in these pants. I’m afraid the back seam will split,” Rhett whispered loudly to me, making me grin at his antics. “Though I’m enjoying the view from up here too much to do anything either.”

  He ogled my leg, the split seam of the pant leg opening all the way to my hip to expose my entire leg. While still crouched and holding the dustpan, I tried to close the pant leg without much success.

  Rhett let out
a low whistle and thrust his hand down the front of his pants to readjust himself. I burst out laughing. This night was turning into a total and complete disaster, along with both our outfits. A rubber band snapped against my left breast and I dropped the dustpan, spilling the food and glass pieces everywhere. That stung something fierce! On a scale of razor burn to a slow agonizing death by fire, I was at a Brazilian wax while sunburned level.

  My hand immediately went to my chest and I felt a bump of something directly under my breast. With dawning realization I discovered the damn sticker on my boob must have come off, the adhesive ripping off my sensitive skin. No rubber band. Just glue.

  “You okay?” Rhett looked down at me in concern.

  “Help me up,” I whispered frantically, scanning the room for anyone looking at me. John was definitely looking, but his gaze was on my legs, so if I hurried, I might be able to wrangle my boob back in before anyone noticed.

  Rhett grabbed me under the armpits and hauled me up, my legs having gone numb from squatting down for too long. Once he had me up, I turned my back to John and reached into my shirt, Rhett’s gaze avidly following my every move.

  “What—”

  I shushed him, cutting him off and focusing on rearranging my sticker bra. I pulled the lump of sticker out of my blouse, the sticky side all folded in on itself.

  “Help me get this flat!”

  Rhett was looking at my mangled sticker bra like it was a foreign object, needing to be held up to the light and examined.

  “What the fuck is this?” he said loudly.

  “Keep your voice down!” I whisper-yelled. “It’s my sticker bra and it needs to go back on my boob!”

  His gaze immediately went back to my left breast, now drooping a bit lower than the right. I wasn’t some nubile twenty-year-old with collagen oozing out of her pores and I wouldn’t apologize for having a bit of a droop.